In this off-the-cuff recording, Jennie & Alyson talk about what it really looks like to work with someone else – including the relationship that needs to happen, the communication issues that arise, and what makes it all work.
If you’ve ever thought about working with a JV partner or you have someone closely working with you in your business, this episode has some really important takeaways to keep in mind.
Alyson Lex 0:04
Can I just tell you really quick that I am incredibly appreciative for our working relationship? Because there have been times you drive me crazy. I'm just gonna put that out there. Alright, there have been times when you piss me off,
Unknown Speaker 0:28
Alyson Lex 0:31
Oh, I know, I know I drive you crazy, I drive myself crazy. But I am so appreciative that you and I are both so committed to making this working relationships slash best friendship, slash on biological sisterhood actually successful not just financially or in terms of our businesses, but in terms of like our relationship. And I think that that's really important. When you work with someone that you like,
Jennie Wright 1:07
we could have driven each other crazy. And we could have ended this working relationship a long time ago, when we hit bumps, and issues on the road. Because we didn't we have we've hit them. And we've had to have words. But the other thing that we did is we put, we both committed to put in the time and the effort to learn enough about the other person and to care enough about the other person that we could format and function a way of communicating that allows us to better understand and connect the way we talked to each other three years ago, is completely polar opposite to how we talk to each other now in terms of how we share our and express our challenges, or our like how we feel or our frustrations, or how we ask for help. That's a big one. How we accent help.
Alyson Lex 2:09
I think a lot of it is the trust. And I know we've talked about this, we talked about this on genuine Sarah's podcast too, right? Like, because we trust each other, that I can be vulnerable with you. And I can share my struggles. And I know that you give a damn. Because you show up in a way the next time that shows that you paid attention. And it makes me as a person as a human, but also as your friend. And the person that I work with, you know that you work with a lot. I want to show up in that same way. And so I feel like by just being good to each other, through all this we make each other better.
Jennie Wright 2:57
Oh, absolutely. And it has a rippling effect outside of our friendship and our working relationship, because it ripples out into the way that we talk to speak to and understand other people. Yes. I never knew as much about your struggles and your strengths, as I have seen over the past three years, and we've known each other for seven. But But three years like it's a concentrated holy effort.
Alyson Lex 3:35
Yes. What because you've made the dang effort. And I wish that more people made that effort in business. Like, there's that whole Godfather quote, it's not personal, it's business. And I think I could not load a more popular quote anymore than I loathe that.
Jennie Wright 3:57
If I spoke to you in the it's not personalized business tone. That wouldn't we wouldn't be working together. Same Same in reverse,
Alyson Lex 4:07
right? Like, because I don't care who you are. There's a person in that business, whether they're a good bad or indifferent person, there's still a person there. And the way that you treat people, words matter, words matter and actions matter. And again, on Jenny and Sarah's podcast, because I know we're talking about this on the same we talked about the same topic over there. But the the fact that you have taken it on you I didn't ask you, I didn't send you resources or links. You took it on yourself. I told you, I think that I have ADHD. I was diagnosed with it as a kid and I think that this is the crux of a lot of my struggles. I'm going to start working on this. That's what I said to you in it. Not in so many words, but and you said, Okay, self, I really want to work with her. We're doing this whole podcast even together, like, I love her, she's my friend, I'm going to go see what I can find. And it wasn't like you bought books, or read scholarly articles, you went on Instagram, and you started following people who were making content about it. And you just started learning a little. And the fact that you did that, I know you're trying to talk, but I'm not going to let you for a second. But the fact that you did that is one of the nicest things that you can do for another human being.
Jennie Wright 5:46
I agree with you. And there's more to it behind that story. I was getting frustrated with you. And I noticed the early signs of resentment. Because I was struggling to understand your actions and the results. From actions I couldn't get it. It was my neurotypical brain was not understanding how you went from A to C to A, you know, a one to D to, I didn't get it, like 32 Yeah, 232 plus the color purple, like I wasn't getting it. And I was starting to see myself get frustrated. And when I'm frustrated, I build resentment. And once I've hit resentment, then I start tuning out and tuning off. And then the relationship will begin to deteriorate. Because I'm not interested anymore. And that has been one of my big learnings over the past couple of years, mostly since my mother passed away, that I need to do better in these areas. And that's one of the things I worked on. So when I started seeing the fact that I was getting frustrated, and it was building the seeds and criminals of resentment, I was like, Okay, if I don't want this relationship, and this friendship, and this working relationship, which is incredibly mutually beneficial, and rich and fun and enjoyable, and, you know, a good giggle as well, then I have to find a way to work with this person. And I can't be Jenny the neurotypical straight as an arrow, type a ish person, because I will alienate and deteriorate the relationship with my wonderful, awesome, you know, non neurotypical person?
Alyson Lex 7:44
Well, and, one, thank you for sharing that, because I have no idea. Um, and so hashtag vulnerable. But there had to be worked on on my side, too, because had I not said, I'm going to start working on this. Right, that would have devolved the relationship to because you would have been like, harm camp? No. It also forced us to say, Okay, we need to communicate better. I mean, really, you and I joke all the time that we are in a non platonic monogamous relationship,
Jennie Wright 8:20
a platonic not non hedonic,
Alyson Lex 8:24
a non romantic, platonic, monogamous relationship, because we communicate, like partners do. We have to,
Jennie Wright 8:35
and I know that I was driving you nuts, too, because I wasn't speaking, and communicating in a way that time was good that you understood and took you into account. And I know you were frustrated. And I know that, and there were times where you were like, I can't speak right now. Because of my frustration. I want to come back, you know, there's some you know, I don't want to say something that will cause a problem later, I'm going to take a beat, and I was like, Oh my god. Okay, we've gotten to the point where
Alyson Lex 9:04
it wasn't, and that's, but that's my own coping. And so now, of course, as we've gotten better at that communication, I'm able to say to you, hey, I need five minutes to fully process and you can now walk away not thinking the end of the world is near, which is which is which is your stuff and so because I've been able to understand your stuff, and you understand my stuff, we have that relationship where we can communicate that with each other. And it just
Jennie Wright 9:42
okay, yeah, nearly five minutes, no problem, or, Hey, I'm feeling overwhelmed or I need to disassociate or I need some ice cream because I'm about to flip my lid kind of thing.
Alyson Lex 9:53
Jennie Wright 9:54
Although shorthands the now and yes, because they don't I prefer Me, and they don't trigger you.
Alyson Lex 10:03
And it also, it's so funny because I almost just did it. So one of the things with ADHD is we get so excited to talk that we interrupt. And I know that being interrupted, is a thing for you. Like, I had to drop the octave of the voice thing for you. And it allows me to be more aware of my actions, which helps me be a better human in general. Because I don't want to be a cause of a thing for you.
Jennie Wright 10:42
And I also know when you have to get a thought out because your ADHD means that you have to complete it. And I noticed your physical and verbal methods and ways that you talk. So I can see that you have, yeah, that you have to, I gotta finish this, I gotta finish this thought I gotta finish this thought. And I, instead of going well, I have something more important to say. So shut up. Instead of doing that I can pull back. God, I sound like an eight hole. But I can really pull back and finish that
Alyson Lex 11:14
thought. And it's not about it's so funny, because I think if people were to look at us from the outside, they would see you as type A and me as Type B, just based on outward expression of personality.
Jennie Wright 11:30
And it's so not like internally.
Alyson Lex 11:34
That's not it at all. No, I saw a tic toc. That was like when you have two best friends, right? You have one that's outwardly the aihole but is like soften snuggling curly inside, and then you have the one that's outwardly soft and snuggling cuddly. But in our a whole, that is true with a whole lot like people are not just single faceted. And just really taking the time to get to know each other on more than the what can you do for me level is, I think a really big key to a solid partnership. And solid business.
Jennie Wright 12:23
True and solid friendship because at some point has there is the possibility that the business relationship may dissolve. For whatever reason, for whatever reason. And you and I have talked about this several times at this point. And that's another really important fact that we talked about it because the business relationship started because of the pandemic. And it started a little bit before we were kind of dallying in the Hey, you can help my clients, I can help your clients kind of thing, but it wasn't really formalized. And then the pandemic hit and thrive was born. And here we are. But we don't know what the future holds. So could this could this working relationship continue? Yeah, I really hope so I love it. But at some point, if it does dissolve, for whatever reason, the friendship has to be solid enough to survive. And the communication of hey, this is no longer working for me, or for you has to come from a place of I value you and or and I want to continue the friendship and things like that. So will we ever not work together? I really hope not. I really hope we continue to do this for ever and ever. Because it's just yeah,
Alyson Lex 13:49
we have so much fun. But you and I have both communicated with one another in very clear terms that the personal relationship, the personal part of Jennie and Alyson is the priority. Yeah, and we work on that too. We do all the time,
Jennie Wright 14:10
all the time, because we could talk business all day long. But one of Allison's Love Languages is time spent like quality time. And I tend to I'm not a forgetful person on that. But I can go full on to business business business business. And I tend to sometimes not go into that because it's just my personality.
Alyson Lex 14:36
Well, and quality time doesn't mean like you know, Jenny sits there. And as my therapist, it's just time together.
Jennie Wright 14:42
And 10 minutes can be everything that you need to get that quality time.
Alyson Lex 14:47
And one of your love languages is words of affirmation apps. And so I try to remember tell you, I'm proud of you. We did awesome today. I'm So glad you're on my team. Even
Jennie Wright 15:03
stuff like that you didn't you didn't even did that last night. Right before. Like one of the last things you said before. I think we both like ended up falling asleep as you said. We did really good today. And I was like, Yeah, we did awesome, huh.
Alyson Lex 15:16
But and even this. So full transparency. I told Jenny to record. Yeah, I had no idea what we she did not know why. And I started talking, I was like, You know what, this could be a really good conversation. And if it if nothing else, she will have a recording of me getting mushy. No she has when she needs it. And if I'm not available, that was really why I was like, but then we kind of started talking about this. And I'm super surprised. I want to make this a podcast.
Jennie Wright 15:52
I am not surprised. I'm not surprised.
Alyson Lex 15:56
So thank you, everyone for listening to Jennie and I talk about a little bit behind the scenes of what makes a good working relationship. It really comes down to giving a crap about the people you're working with. Taking a little bit of time to put some effort into understanding them. This can be somebody that you're working with like Jenny and I were you have separate businesses but work together can be a business partner can be a JV somebody that you're just interested in spending more time with, or even your clients understanding what makes them tick and how they best receive communication and love and feedback, things feedback. Yeah, your employees, Holy guacamole, understanding this kind of stuff about your employees is would would make you such a good leader. That because when somebody takes five minutes to look up something that they know about you to understand you better and communicate with you better. It's a game changer. And that's about being a good human. So thank you for listening. We will be back with more business stuff in the next episode. Season.