We hear it all the time – serve, serve, serve. And sometimes we take that to heart – we end up over serving and under-valuing ourselves. That means our income goals are left untouched and we’re overworked and close to burnout.
In this episode, we ask Aimee Teesdale the tough questions about how EXACTLY to serve our clients well while still keeping our sanity intact. And she drops some #hardtruths about what’s really holding us from achieving our goals.
Listen to Aimee’s Podcast
Alyson Lex 0:01
There can be a lot of things that hold you back time, the amount of effort you put in the niche you're going after. But in all of my experience, and with all the clients that I've worked with, the one thing that needs to be mastered before you can make anything else work, is how you're thinking about yourself, and your business, and your possibilities. And so we have a success coach, success. Coach, Amy teasdale here today, and she's gonna kind of take us through exactly how we can get our mindset right, to be successful. So Amy, thank you so much for being here with us today.
Unknown Speaker 0:45
Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to share with you.
Alyson Lex 0:48
I am super excited about this topic, because I know how important it is. I work on it every single day. And I know it's always a process, you're never really done. Right?
Unknown Speaker 1:01
Yeah, absolutely. It's an ongoing journey, that's for sure.
Alyson Lex 1:05
So what is really holding business owners back in regards to mindset from achieving their income goals?
Unknown Speaker 1:14
The honestly, the biggest thing that I see people at that's holding people back is themselves as you said it so perfectly. It's the way that we think it's what we believe. And in particular, it's what we actually believe about ourselves, and what we believe we are capable of what we believe that we are worthy of what we believe we can achieve, you know, whether we think we're qualified enough, you know, all of these beliefs that we hold about who we actually are, that's really what is getting in people's way of success and creating the things that they would really love to create, right? Because, you know, if you if you want to create different results in your life or in your business, if you want to create more money, a bigger business, whatever it is, then yes, of course, it depends on what you do and the actions that you take. But what determines the actions that you take is how you think and what you believe in the first place. Because you'll be your beliefs, determine the actions that you then take, and how effectively you don't take those actions. And so that's why I really love working with clients at that level of just figuring out what is it they are believing? And in particular, what is it they are believing about themselves. And once you can create a shift at that level, you find that the actions that they take automatically start to shift, and that's how the results come in.
Jennie Wright 2:31
Okay, there was a lot to unpack in there. That was a talk all in itself. That was awesome. Okay, you're definitely a rockstar about all this, which is great. I have a specific question on some of the things that you were talking about. You were talking about service oriented
Unknown Speaker 2:46
Jennie Wright 2:47
Can you explain in more detail what that is, I literally can be on the struggle bus with my mindset, on a good day on a bad day even more so. So can you sort of explain this to me, I really want to understand it so that we can sort of figure all this out?
Unknown Speaker 3:03
Yeah. So having a service mindset is really just coming from the place of what can I do to help others? How can I make a difference to others? How can I help somebody else to get what it is? They would really want? Or? Or would like you know, and I think naturally most of us are? In our default state. I think we're all naturally service orientated. We all want to help others, we all want to focus on how we can make a difference to people. I think that's who we all naturally are. But what gets in the way of people having a service orientated mindset is their own fears, for example, like maybe they're afraid of failure. So then instead of focusing on how can I serve this person, all of a sudden the focus of attention shifts to being, what do I need to do in order to make money. And there's a big difference in the results that you create and how you come across. When you're coming from a place of what do I need to do in order to make money versus what can What can I do in order to help another person? So that's really what the difference is? Is it about trying to achieve something for you? Or is it about trying to achieve something for somebody else?
Alyson Lex 4:11
How can we have that mindset? How can we serve our clients without becoming Cinderella ish and being at their beck and call and kind of being a doormat and saying yes to everything? How do we have that balance in those boundaries that are kind to everyone, including ourselves? Hmm, great question.
Unknown Speaker 4:30
So the thing that I find stops my clients from setting boundaries, for example, is usually fear again, it's like they'll have the fear of, Oh, well, if I set this boundary, if I set this role, maybe that client won't like me anymore, or maybe that client won't work with me anymore. Maybe Maybe they they're going to judge me in some way or another. And that's really what stops people from actually setting boundaries. So the more We let go of our fears, the more we care less about what other people think and know that, you know, we are loved and lovable and valuable, no matter how other people respond to us, it becomes so much easier to set those boundaries. And I also think it's a little bit of a mindset shift as well, I think some people underestimate the importance of taking care of ourselves first, and to set our own boundaries. And I and to help with this, I always just point to, you know, what they say on a plane, when they give them the safety briefing, and they tell you always put your own oxygen mask on first. And the reason for that is because then you are in a better position to be able to help other people and serve other people, you know, if you're, if you're running around all day, super busy and super stressed, then you're not going to be able to show up in the best possible way for your clients. Whereas actually just setting those boundaries and that those rules, it serves you and therefore it serves the clients that you work with as well.
Jennie Wright 5:56
I have a quick follow up to that. What do you do if the way that you're, this is a totally a selfish question, just gonna ask, what do you do if the way that your day has started, has made it incredibly difficult for you to have that mindset of being able to serve your clients, if you've already your days already started off stressful, your day has already started off with something encroaching on your ability to put yourself first for five minutes and have that self care could be kids or people or, you know, your microwave blew up, what do you do to reset, so that you can serve
Unknown Speaker 6:31
even just taking a five minute pause, you know, just to just five minute pause, maybe just do some breathing or some meditation, maybe take a walk around the block, maybe even doing a little bit of journaling and just just getting out whatever it is that the frustration that was there from the morning or the stress from the morning or whatever it is, you know, maybe you've got a friend that you want to call just to have a bit of a rant or whatever, you know, it really only takes five minutes just to reset ourselves just to bring ourselves back to the here and now and really focus on what's important again.
Jennie Wright 7:05
Allison is my rant person
Alyson Lex 7:09
that is my emotional support Canadian so we we are very lucky to have that partnership where we can. And I actually there is something called a rage room. When you heard of these, Amy,
Unknown Speaker 7:25
Alyson Lex 7:26
they they were all the pardon the pun all the rage here for a while right before the pandemic and lockdown and everything. But they basically buy a bunch of old decrepit plates, and you pay them money and they give you goggles and a sledgehammer and you go and break things. And I went on a date with my husband, we went to a rage room. And it was amazingly cathartic because it was controlled destruction, right? But it's like it's physical exertion as well, you're you're throwing things, you're swinging the hammer, and you're just letting it out. And so for some people, that kind of thing really works. Everything that you mentioned, was really like, calming. And but sometimes you just have to get it out. You have to just get it out. You have to feel your feelings. I'm a big proponent of feeling them.
Unknown Speaker 8:24
Alyson Lex 8:26
And then, as I say, putting on your big girl panties and getting on with your day.
Unknown Speaker 8:30
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's a really great point, too. You know, coming back to Jenny's question. It's like if, you know, if your day has already started off, and it's left, you're a bit discombobulated as you as you use the word earlier. And I think just allowing ourselves to feel that, you know, like, sometimes it can be so easy for us to try to brush off what we're feeling, trying to get past it, trying to ignore it, trying to deny it, and, and just trying to carry on with the day anyway. But honestly, I think the thing that I find so powerful and most effective for me, is if I just allow what I'm feeling, so if I'm feeling stressed, because of the microwave has blown up, just take a moment to just feel that stress. And that usually helps to dissipate it so much more quickly than if we just tried to like forget about it and push on with the day anyway.
Alyson Lex 9:22
Really like that. So earlier you mentioned that fear holds a lot of people back and you listed a whole bunch of things that we really have a can have a fear of which one is the most common that you see with the people you work with.
Unknown Speaker 9:37
The most common fear that I see is some form of I'm not good enough, or I'm not worthy of success. That's the that's usually that's like the number one thing that comes up for people it's like questioning and it can come up in many forms as well. Like not everybody uses the words I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy, but they'll be different variations of it. So it might be I'm not qualified enough or I I'm not skilled enough, or I'm not good enough or anything like that, you know? And, and that is really what is the main thing that holds people back that they don't feel that they are deserving of the success that they would really love or the clients, they will really love that all the money that they would really love.
Jennie Wright 10:21
That creates a little bit of self sabotage, doesn't it?
Unknown Speaker 10:24
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. When you have these beliefs that you're not worthy and you're not deserving, that then determines the actions that you then take, right? And then, of course, that impacts your results as well.
Jennie Wright 10:35
So then, how do we get past that? What kind of steps do we have to take to sort of overcome that? And sort of figure this out?
Unknown Speaker 10:44
So I have what is called the five D method, which is exactly for this. So the first thing that I always do with my clients, and the first day, and the five D method is to identify, first of all what it is that they desire, what is it that they would love? So is it a client? Is it more money, whatever it is. And that really just helps to set the context for the deeper dive and exploration. So once you figured out what your desire is, then you can start to diagnose what exactly is in the way and what that fear is. So let's say for example, the fear is, or the the judgment is, I'm not worthy, or I'm not good enough. That's the diagnosis, right? So when you're diagnosing you're really trying to find out, what am I making this mean about me? So you're looking for beliefs that start with the words I am. So let's say we've got the diagnosis of I'm not good enough, then the next thing to do once you've identified that is to detach that belief. So how do we detach these certain beliefs? Well, the first thing to do is just allow the fact that we feel that way about ourselves. And again, I see a lot of people who resist what they're feeling, or it's like, they don't want to admit that they feel not good enough. It's like they think that by admitting it, then it's somehow going to mean that it's true. And it's not easy to admit that we feel this way about ourselves, right? So people want to brush it off. So the first thing I will ask people to do is like, Can you just allow yourself to feel not good enough for a moment, and that kind of like relaxes them a little bit and allows them to just to just be with what they're feeling? And then usually I will try to figure out or help them to identify where did that belief come from? Because they weren't born believing that they weren't good enough, right? So at some point in their life, they had a certain experience or something happened to them. And they had that they created an interpretation about that event. And they made it mean that they weren't good enough. And so I'll help them to see that actually, it was just an interpretation based on events. And it isn't actually the real truth. And this kind of really opens things up in their mind. It's like, oh, wait a minute. Yeah, that isn't actually true. So that's how we start to detach from our beliefs by seeing that our beliefs were just interpretations and not really the truth. And then the fourth D in the method is to then declare, so it's like, Okay, well, I've gotten rid of this belief, or I've detached myself from this belief that I'm not good enough. So if that's not true, then what is true? So then I can ask them, you know, what does your heart know to be true about this, and then they'll start to see, well, actually, you know, I am good enough to do this, I do have all the skills that are required in order for me to be successful, and so on, and so forth. And then once you're in that mindset, and this new state of being in this new way of seeing things, the fifth step in the method is to then do I need to take action. And that obviously ties in very nicely with what you ladies offer the System to THRIVE, right like you, you also have to take action as well. So it but it's far more effective to take the action when we're coming from a place of knowing that we're actually good enough and deserving of the success rather than not.
Alyson Lex 13:58
I'm sorry, I was taking, I'm taking so notes, because I love this process. It's, I understand the idea. And through years of therapy, I've you know, we've all got stories, and I've read it about like tapes, like a VHS tape, and we have to re record over that. It's all kinds of metaphors, but I'm a process kind of gal. So I really like how you have it laid out in these five steps and how do we, when we look at what our limiting beliefs are, you mentioned looking for the I am statements or the I'm not statements maybe? Yeah, but how do we, how do we get ourselves to a place where we're like, actually in that, like the first step that we should take toward diagnosing those for ourselves.
Unknown Speaker 14:52
So checking in with how you feel First of all, so that's a that's a nice way to ease in to Due to fake figuring out what it is you believe it's just by asking, Well, how do I feel? First of all? And once you start to identify the feelings, then you can start to ask questions around that like, Well, why do I feel that way? And the key question that I would use to try to identify what the limiting belief is, is, what am I making this mean about me? So for example, if let's say somebody is struggling to grow their business and to create clients, you could ask, Well, how is that making me feel? And they might be like, Oh, well, it's making me feel stressed. It's making me feel nervous. It's making me feel worried. And then you can ask, Well, what are you making it mean about you? That you haven't, that you're struggling to create clients? And they're like, Oh, well, I think it means I'm not good enough. For example, there you go. That's what the that's how you find out what the diagnosis is, look to look to see where your what your feelings are, if you've got some kind of negative feelings or uncomfortable feelings, and that's definitely a place to go and then try to figure out what am I making this mean about me? or What am I, what am I making the lack of this mean about me?
Alyson Lex 16:19
I really like that. And the one thing I mentioned, but years of therapy
is that you can do a lot of this work on your own and be really introspective on your own. But it's better and more effective when you have someone helping you work through it and on your side and encouraging you and guiding you. And so to that end, how can we find out more about you and where to connect with you so that our listeners can get help if they want to?
Unknown Speaker 16:56
Yeah, awesome. So first of all, I also have a podcast, it's called the next level success podcast. And what you actually hear in the podcast is me actually coaching people using the five D method. So you can listen in on real life coaching sessions with entrepreneurs. And you can hear me taking them through the five D method and how that shifts their mindset and the difference that that makes to them. So there's a next level success podcast that's available on Spotify, iTunes, or whichever podcast app you prefer. And then you've also got my Instagram, so on Instagram, I next dot level dot success coach. And there's also my website, which is a meet ctcl.com.
Jennie Wright 17:36
Just all the good spots, which is great. And I've listened into your podcast a couple of times now. And the information actually, you're very soothing to listen to, and it's very grounding. So I've actually listened to that when I'm, and I'm like, Yeah, okay, I've got to come back and listen to more of this. So I highly recommend that you listen to her podcast. While we've been talking today, I have been taking some notes. And those are going to be the takeaways for today. And Allison and I are going to split them up. These are the takeaways these are the things that we want you to take a look at what you can take from Amy's talk today and imply or apply sorry, into your business right away or into your life. I think a lot of what Amy said today can be applied into the other aspects of our lives, relationship wise and feeling wise, and, you know, dealing with sort of like just where we are right now in the world lives. And I really want you to look at this because as she was talking, I was like, yeah, I'm definitely going to be doing this in other aspects outside of business. So my first takeaway is, having a service based mindset is about how you help others, how we can be more service oriented and not letting your fears get in the way the worries that somebody is not going to like you, or things like that, that can get in your way. And actually, a lot of these takeaways are based on overcoming fear. The second one is that fear is a big reason why we don't set boundaries, I am a total culprit of this, we call myself between Alice and I, we call myself Jenny rella. Or we used to because I was a virtual assistant. And I used to let people step all over me. And I never got to the ball, which for me was eating food and sleeping. Not gonna lie. And I'm a lot better at setting boundaries. I can say no now without having too many problems. But I have a background where this was very difficult growing up in the home that I was saying no was not really, you know, it was a challenge. So fear is definitely a big reason why we don't set up our boundaries. And this is what makes us feel like those doormats that makes us feel less than that causes a lot resentment and all those problems. And then that's a whole other, you know, ball of wax that we have to deal with.
Alyson Lex 19:39
I have a couple of takeaways too. So I really really liked what you said about the oxygen mask and I've heard it before, but I think it bears repeating. If you're on a plane, they say put your mask on before you help put the mask on others. And it's it's really a great metaphor of the value in taking care of yourself first, I've also heard it, you can't pour from an empty cup, you've got to take time to refill your cup. So whatever metaphor works for you to get that visual, think about it that way. I also wanted to quickly just kind of recap the five D method. Because I think that that's a really love processes. So first, we're going to identify the desire, then we're going to diagnose the belief, detach that belief, declare the new belief, and do something with it.
Unknown Speaker 20:36
Yeah, love it.
Alyson Lex 20:38
And all of that action is going to be better because we're coming to it from a better place. Yeah. And to diagnose that limiting belief, the one that's holding you back from whatever thing right now, the key question is, what am I making this mean about me? That is going on my board. And like Jenny said, If I'm in a fight with my husband, or he hurts my feelings, what am I making this mean about me? I think it's going to help me be a better wife, too. So thank you for that.
Unknown Speaker 21:11
Perfect, I love it. And it's so true. It's so useful in all areas of our life, not just business. So I'm really glad that you picked up on that.
Jennie Wright 21:22
Are you taking the last one else in or no? Oh, you didn't take the last one. Okay, I'll edit this. Hold on. Sorry, I didn't, I'm not calling in I apologize.
Just wait long pause. If we take those takeaways, and we look at how we can apply them not only in our lives in our businesses, then we're going to see some improvement. And that's why it was so important that we had Amy on today, Amy, thank you so much for taking the time explaining the five D method, being here with us and really giving us a sense of how we can really work within our own mindset to improve where we are and what we want to do in the future. So thank you so much for doing this with us today.
Unknown Speaker 22:03
Thank you so much for having me. It's been a pleasure.
Jennie Wright 22:06
Absolutely. And we've enjoyed it so much. And just before we wrap, I just want to remind everybody to go and check out Amy's podcast, as well as her website and her Instagram. So you can get all of the good stuff that she's constantly putting out in the world and enjoy it. And if you haven't already, please do consider following the podcast wherever our podcast System to THRIVE, wherever it is that you're listening to podcasts, you don't miss a single episode from us, go on over to wherever it is that you're listening to them. And make sure you hit that follow or subscribe button depending on where you're at. And be sure to do that. So you have us in your ears a couple times a week. And if you haven't already, please do leave us a review. Let us know what you think of the podcast so we can continually improve. And last but not least, head on over to System to thrive.com to check out the resources and the show notes that we've created from this particular episode so you have access to those. Thank you so much for listening, everybody and we'll be back again soon answering another big question.